The evil earth

I feel (in my bosom) a real need (that’s need, not knead – I’m not feeling a kneading feeling in my bosom, it’s not a heart attack don’t worry) to inform (not outform) you (you) that little did you know (I assume) but the Earth (this planet in case you didn’t know) is pure evil.

Why is this so? Well, besides the fact that Earth (this planet) murdered Beethoven and gave Ghandi a distinctly bald head (both of these things are unfair and unwarranted), but also because it gave birth (in its bosom) to all the evil things that ever (and never) existed! On top of this, if the Earth kept rotating around and around, faster and faster, we would all fly off into space and never (ever) return (enter if you are not using a Mac).

So beware yon earthling! Cringe and beware! Your mother planet is trying to kill you! And your grandmothers!!!

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10 thoughts on “The evil earth

  1. No kidding on that Earth killing thing. The Earth killed my dad. He stuck his head in gas wells and the PCBs got him. True story, but it was a long time ago, and even though the PCBs killed him, no one knew they were bad at the time (but the Earth did!), and my mother married again – a very nice man, but the Earth killed him with a heart attack from all of the bacon it grows in the forest, and now she is alone, but now the Earth is trying to kill her, too, as it makes her trip on rocks and stones and things. Stupid Earth.

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