Blogging bubbles burst

I, Monk Monkey, will now speak to you from his heart – his monkey heart, full of tasty courage and well-meaning hearty goodness.

I started my first blog in 2009 (I think). I got two page views over a year or more of dedicated service (keep in mind this was before blogs were cool). I didn’t care, though. Oh, and no, I am not sharing the URL but the first person who finds it and gives me page view number three wins a banana.
I started my next blog about 13 months ago. I built up a lot of page views and hits and page views and follows and hits and I loved it…until I didn’t care anymore.
Then I started this humble blog.

But ah! how the last year has changed things!

A year ago, I had no real acquaintances (being a monk and a monkey does not make thee popular be). I was cool with that. But then, a man named…let’s call him ‘Kris’…found my blog. He commented a few times and was really really funny. I felt a real connection to Kris. Like two birds of a feather (PS: I REALLY HATE THAT SAYING!) Once, Kris reblogged one of my posts. That introduced me to ‘Loren’ and to ‘Mad-D.’
Loren was hilarious too. Mad-D was so nice to me. She read my blog religiously and I hers. But the thing is, these three people liked me as a person too! They emailed me, messaged me, tweeted me…Loren even called me! I was actually getting ready to say I, A LONELY MONK HAVE NEW FRIENDS! Woo!
Then, the blog world opened even more. I met ‘Beck’ (not the singer guy), ‘Sister John’, ‘Jenn,’ ‘urunubreathe,’ ‘Viv,’ ‘O’Callaghan’ and more. We read each other’s stuff and commented on each other’s stuff. I even re-opened my MonkBook account for the first time in two years to get to know them better.

I was in cyber heaven. They were all so lovely and happy and made me feel so nice!

Then…

Circumstances meant Kris sort of stopped blogging, Loren sort of did, Jenn sort of did, Mad-D sort of did, ururnubreathe sort of did, Viv definitely did… O’Callaghan kept to his usual routine and Sister John never stopped blogging, but he changed the design of his blog which threw me a little bit…

About this time I was very busy writing monk pamphlets and designing monkey games and I started going to AJU (Australian Jungle University)…so I had almost zero time to spend online. ZERO! I WAS LEFT…ALL ALONE!!! I couldn’t be bothered posting, commenting, reading, or answering awards posts giving me awards with a post accepting those awards.

MY BLOGGING BUBBLE HAD BUR-UR-UR-URST!!!!!

banana

Until…this week! I had a bit of time to blog! And so did Kris, Loren, Beck, WOW Mad-D was back and just as lovely after a while away, and John didn’t stop again! IT FELT SO 2012! AND I LIKED IT!

Maybe I’m not as burst as I thought…

So what was the point of all that? I don’t know – go have a beer in the shower and think about it. Or go on Katie Curic and think about it. Or write a book about zombies and think about it. Or ship 1000 second-hand books in the post and think about it. Or wear a fake mustache and think about it. Or go to the toilet in the woods and think about it. Or run a marathon while thinking about it. Just think about it!!! And tell me what you think it means!!!

THANK YOU TO ALL MY BLOGGING FRIENDS FOR STILL EXISTING AND NOT STOPPING BEING WONDERFUL PEOPLE AND YOU ARE ALL TERRIFIC, EVEN KRIS! ALL YOU WHO ARE SLOWLY BECOMING MY NEW FRIENDS HALLELUJAH TO YOU, TOO!!! ONE DAY I WILL WRITE SOMETHING SOPPY ABOUT YOU! I PROMISE! IN THE WOODS WITH MY PANTS DOWN!

AMEN!

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I am so awesome and epic and a monkey

There’s this guy called David. No, not that David, the other David. Wait maybe it’s not that David, either. Look! There are literally millions of people in the world called David so maybe you do know him, but you probably don’t. This David lives in Korea. Know him? See! Didn’t think so! Although, if you do know him GOODY FOR YOU!

Look, you’re distracting me from my point. Just hours ago, David (the one I’m thinking of who you may never have met) nominated me for the Epically Awesome Award of Epic Awesomeness.

You red that write! I am really that good! Not many people (and even fewer simians) get to be called epically awesome! Was I surprised? Not really. Was I flattered? Yes!

CONGRATULATIONS TO DAVID FOR LETTING HIS HEART PUMP THROUGH HIS WORDS AS HE SPOKE ALOUD WHAT WE ALL KNOWETH TO BE TRUE BUT ARE TOO SHY TO SPEAK FORTH! MAY OTHERS FOLLOW YOUR EXAMPLE AND TELL THE WORLD HOW AWESOME I, AND THROUGH ASSOCIATION, THEY ARE!

epicallyawesomeaward

To accept the award (which I do – even though I haven’t received the trophy and cash money prize yet) I have to list ten things about myself then nominate ten other blogs for the award. I’ll do the first part now, the second part I will do later in the week as I announce my 2013 blogroll (the list is the same). Cool? Cool. COOL!

Ten things about me:
1) I am a monk.
2) I am a monkey.
3) I live at the monkestry.
4) The others who work there are named Des, Daphne, Doris and (reluctantly) Jeremy.
5) I am an ex-Scrabble champion.
6) I have never completed a Rubik’s cube.
7) My robe only gets washed once a week.
8) Once I got a bit silly and ordered a banana shaped bath. It’s stunning, but I never have a bath so the banana bath just sits there.
9) The number 9 is my least favourite number.
10) My eyes sparkle in the sun.

And now, wet cats:

In which we have a visit from Jen (& Tonic)

So there we were, Daphne, Doris, Des, Jeremy and I – minding our own business in the monkestry, and setting up for bingo night, when who should knock on our door but Jen and her little friend Tonic.
Doris opened the door for her and Jen proceeded to do one of those kissy faces that mean ‘I am going to pretend to like you now. I will do this by kissing you – please kiss me back.’
Kiss

Doris did not pucker up. In fact she grimmaced. Imagine my surprise, then, when Jen miraculously transformed into a clown to ‘try and cheer the old girl up!’
Clown
Quickly, I ushered Jen and Tonic into the kitchen. I had seen Doris blow her top before. (There is an unwritten rule at the monkestry – don’t call Doris ‘old’ or she will smack you in the face.)
After we had all had some milk arrowroot biscuits and a cup of tea, I took her to see Jeremy. He was sitting in his corner, writing poetry. He was sad and angsty. Gosh, I hate it when he is angsty. I turned, and lo! Jen had transformed again! This time into a cute, fluffy bunny!
Bunny

Jeremy immediately started patting her ears and stroking her whiskers. He called her ‘Bun-bun’ and I vomited a bit in my mouth.
I grabbed Jen and yelled at her in Monkese so Jeremy wouldn’t understand. ‘How in the world do you do all these presto-changeo transformations?’ I shouted. ‘You are confusing me and putting my plain robes to shame! Eek-eek!’ I think Jen felt threatened by my outburst, because then, before my eyes, this happened:
pirate

‘Arr!’ she said, ‘Beware me cutlass or thy shall be made mincemeat!’
This was dangerous! ‘How can I put her off?’ I wondered. ‘How can I make her lose her concentration?’ And then I had the answer!
‘Ahem,’ I garrumphed, ‘you’ve gained a bit of weight, haven’t you?’
I thought I had her. No lady likes to be told that! But I was wrong. In an instant, she LOST 90% OF HER BODY WEIGHT!
Stick figure
‘That’s it!’ I shouted. ‘No more crazy costume changes, no more dismantling of the fragile social structures here at the monkestry, take your little friend Tonic, and BEGONE!’
She tried to distract me by doing this…
Groucho
But I averted my eyes and held out my monkifix that hangs around my neck. Jen turned back to normal. ‘Fine,’ she sighed, ‘but can I at least use the toiley?’
I refused. ‘Des is cleaning it right now and he don’t wanna see you’
Tonic, who had until now been quiet and shy, walked out from behind Jen’s legs and kicked me in the shin with his pointy rock ‘n’ roll shoes.
As I hopped about, groaning in agony, Jen walked to the door, jumped into her exiting cannon, put on her pizzaball costume, and blasted off into the who-knows-where. (Tonic took a taxi.)
Pizzaball cannon

Addendum:
I have been feeling a tad guilty about how I treated our visitors. I’ve been thinking about it, and I think that Jen thinks that what others think about how and what she thinks will affect their thinks about her. Think – how many times did she change her appearence here today? She seems to be someone ill at ease with her appearance. Poor little Jen. I feel sorry for her. She really IS like a fragile bunny, needing the wisdom of a monk who is also a banana-loving monkey. And so, I have recorded the following special message, just for her special little face…

Reblog 1: Vyvacious

I know this funny lady Vyv. She went camping the other day. She is usually all over fb, twitter, igram, blogs, but for days… Nothing!
I assumed she was off enjoying her trip. It was actually the opposite.
Read this and be thankful for today and for safety and health. Vyv, Monk Monkey, Doris, Daphne, Jeremy and Desmond are all thinking of you!!!!

Vyvacious

I’m sure a mother watching her child’s first steps for the first time conveys a multitude of emotions I can’t even begin to describe.

Joy. Happiness. Excitement. Awe. Wonder.

I don’t remember what my first steps as a child were like. I’m sure I clapped my hands and bubbles frothed from my mouth in excitement. Just because I was probably a happy ass baby.

Well yesterday, I experienced my first steps…all over again. After my ATV riding accident that took place Saturday afternoon, I couldn’t move. They transferred me to a backboard and drove me to an ambulance since it couldn’t navigate all those whoop-dee-whoops or potholes that well. Apparently neither could my ATV in soft sand which I realized when I went flying from it.

Full protective gear saved my life. I’m sure of it. I didn’t think it was that bad though because I could still wiggle…

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