Sinister nursey rhymes!

Some of you may be aware that many nursery rhymes and fables came to life in response to a creepy, deadly, or otherwise terrible thing or act. Sometimes they were written by bards in the middle ages after missing a train or a witch-burning.
For example, did you know that the kiddie song ‘Five Little Ducks’ was written after the mass duck suicide of 1612?
The original final verse went…

Old mother duck went to the gap,
Stepped to the edge and flap, flap, flap,
Fell down to the rocks with a splat,
‘And that,’ said the coroner, ‘that is that.’

So be careful when you sing about things and stuff to children and stuff! You may be wrecking their minds. FOR GOOD!

deadrubberduck1

Amen.

Once upon a time

There was a boy, once upon a time. He lived in a forest, surrounded by trees. Once upon a time, there was also a tall wall surrounding the forest. On the other side of that wall was the Land of Once Upon A Time.
‘Coo!’ squealed the boy. ‘I can’t wait afore I scale ye over that wall, thither and whence it shall leadeth me, I never can guesse.’
So, once upon a time, the boy collected a collection of objects which he called his ‘collection.’ Within the collection there was the following collection:

  • A whistle
  • A komodo
  • dragon
  • A bow tie
  • A tied bow
  • Another whistle
  • Chocolate biscuits
  • A brain teaser game similar to Sudoku, and
  • A hyena mask

Yet nothing had he packed with which he could climb upon and upover that wall surrounding that forest in that once upon a time. The boy blew his whistles and tied his bows (he didn’t have time for the puzzle that was a bit like Sudoku), but yea, verily, no rope or slingshot or crane (or any other bird) had he packed!

And that little boy was me.

And have I learned my lesson? NO SIR! Yesterday I went for a drive in my Monkmobile but forgot to take my keys! WHOOPS!
In which ways have YOU been a DOOFUS lately?

Keys

The keys I use to open my Monkmobile.

Amen.