Boo-hoo wah-wah kiss-kiss hug

It’s been a tough time at the Monkestry, dearest chimps. I go through these valleys and troughs every now and then…actually, pretty regularly…my life stinks, chimps… ­čśŽ

There are many reasons why I get down. Most of it can’t really be gone into here and now as it will take another twenty posts to unpack.

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I carry a lot of baggage around with me and have done my entire life, and in the lowest moments I actually feel ready and unafraid of the end (but not wanting to do it myself, don’t worry) I just imagine all my loved ones crying over me and it keeps me going. Why do I feel down so much? Lots of reasons and no reasons, but here are some of the symptoms:
– I’m never happy. Nothing excites me or thrills me. I’m always looking at the bad side. I’m a steady, monotone blah.
– I’m always stressed. I get up at 6, walk to the train, work on the train, work hard all day at at a job that I HATE with people that BOTHER me, before working on the train, walk home, have dinner and bath time with my family (not in unison!) go running, study my online uni course and then go to bed.
– I hate myself. You know, that ugly monkey guy with a face not even a gibbon could love.
– I have no prospects. My job (that I HATE) has no pay rises without a promotion. With my wife Cheetah’s part time wage + my full time one we can’t afford more than one car or to get a mortgage. Cheetah could work more but then Potsie and Bong-Bong would have to do more day care and Cheetah’s wage only covers day care anyway so she might as well stay home and spend time with the boys. This job I have took me two degrees to get and it is making me do another by correspondance for no extra pay and I HATE it and I feel so underpaid! We buy most of our boys’ toys and dvds at charity shops and I haven’t bought new clothes in two years except for one t-shirt and I now have my hair cut at home.
– And I feel lonely. Yes, I have a loving family but we have no friends. No one knocks on the door or calls the phone (except my mum monkey). No one invites us over for dinner or offers to go out with us. Day to day it’s fine but we are all so bored and my poor boys don’t know how to make friends coz I don’t know how to show them. I don’t think I’ve ever been invited to a NYE party or know how to get drunk with the boy monkeys. At work I stay alone and don’t talk to the middle aged ladies I work with (or Desmond). I have no one to debrief with or load stuff onto except for Cheetah who got sick of my sick ages ago.

But then something brightened my day!

One of my very best favourite bloggers named Jen and Tonic wrote this great post. About her current struggles. It made me want to share too (this is what I am doing now) and… To shake off my down-ness and turn that frown upside down!

Let’s get proactive!!!

Monk Monkey’s Eight Step Footpath to Fantasticness!

1) Do your work, get through it, go home, and forget about it! There, you focus on what you love! YOUR FAMILY!

2) If anyone at work pushes your buttons, or angers you, or wants you to raise above your pay level or joy of work quotient, smile, nod, and get home as quick as you can. (see 1) This also applies for family members who criticise your children.

3) If you ever miss those people who have died, hug Cheetah (your wife, not a wild cheetah).

4) Do your best with uni and at the end of the year, put all your notes etc in the bin.

5) Don’t go on Facebook very often. It is full of people being happy and showing their weddings and babies and drunk friends who they love and it depresses you because you aren’t like them.

6) Write a poem, story, etc everyday as you may strike it lucky and get out of your career and make it as an author. Don’t listen to the voices in your head right now that are saying that’s crazy.

7) Don’t listen to the nagging voices in your head.

8) If you ever feel sad, try looking at photos of your family, especially the ones where Potsie and Bong-Bong are smiling.

Very rarely does a human-type person teach the teacher – a monk who is a monkey-person (me)! God bless you Jen (and Tonic) and I hereby award you my inaugural Seal of Approval award!!! Thanks so much!!!!

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I hope I have a good week and you all do too!
Amen.

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In which we have a visit from Jen (& Tonic)

So there we were, Daphne, Doris, Des, Jeremy and I – minding our own business in the monkestry, and setting up for bingo night, when who should knock on our door but Jen and her little friend Tonic.
Doris opened the door for her and Jen proceeded to do one of those kissy faces that mean ‘I am going to pretend to like you now. I will do this by kissing you – please kiss me back.’
Kiss

Doris did not pucker up. In fact she grimmaced. Imagine my surprise, then, when Jen miraculously transformed into a clown to ‘try and cheer the old girl up!’
Clown
Quickly, I ushered Jen and Tonic into the kitchen. I had seen Doris blow her top before. (There is an unwritten rule at the monkestry – don’t call Doris ‘old’ or she will smack you in the face.)
After we had all had some milk arrowroot biscuits and a cup of tea, I took her to see Jeremy. He was sitting in his corner, writing poetry. He was sad and angsty. Gosh, I hate it when he is angsty. I turned, and lo! Jen had transformed again! This time into a cute, fluffy bunny!
Bunny

Jeremy immediately started patting her ears and stroking her whiskers. He called her ‘Bun-bun’ and I vomited a bit in my mouth.
I grabbed Jen and yelled at her in Monkese so Jeremy wouldn’t understand. ‘How in the world do you do all these presto-changeo transformations?’ I shouted. ‘You are confusing me and putting my plain robes to shame! Eek-eek!’ I think Jen felt threatened by my outburst, because then, before my eyes, this happened:
pirate

‘Arr!’ she said, ‘Beware me cutlass or thy shall be made mincemeat!’
This was dangerous! ‘How can I put her off?’ I wondered. ‘How can I make her lose her concentration?’ And then I had the answer!
‘Ahem,’ I garrumphed, ‘you’ve gained a bit of weight, haven’t you?’
I thought I had her. No lady likes to be told that! But I was wrong. In an instant, she LOST 90% OF HER BODY WEIGHT!
Stick figure
‘That’s it!’ I shouted. ‘No more crazy costume changes, no more dismantling of the fragile social structures here at the monkestry, take your little friend Tonic, and BEGONE!’
She tried to distract me by doing this…
Groucho
But I averted my eyes and held out my monkifix that hangs around my neck. Jen turned back to normal. ‘Fine,’ she sighed,┬á‘but can I at least use the toiley?’
I refused. ‘Des is cleaning it right now and he don’t wanna see you’
Tonic, who had until now been quiet and shy, walked out from behind Jen’s legs and kicked me in the shin with his pointy rock ‘n’ roll shoes.
As I hopped about, groaning in agony, Jen walked to the door, jumped into her exiting cannon, put on her pizzaball costume, and blasted off into the who-knows-where. (Tonic took a taxi.)
Pizzaball cannon

Addendum:
I have been feeling a tad guilty about how I treated our visitors. I’ve been thinking about it, and I think that Jen thinks that what others think about how and what she thinks will affect their thinks about her. Think – how many times did she change her appearence here today? She seems to be someone ill at ease with her appearance. Poor little Jen. I feel sorry for her. She really IS like a fragile bunny, needing the wisdom of a monk who is also a banana-loving monkey. And so, I have recorded the following special message, just for her special little face…